Cause I have to say, I rarely meet a cookie I don't like, but I think I'm officially done with the Girl Scout variety. They used to be a delicious treat back in the day, but now I can barely choke 'em down.
If I'm being perfectly honest (and yes, I stole that expression from Simon who uses it ad nauseum when addressing the Idol wannabees) I haven't really liked them for years; I've just been fooling myself, pretending that I enjoyed them. I was caught up in the nostalgia of it all. It brought me back to a time when instant gratification was not an option. Back to a time when you had to wait for things. Back to a time when "The Sound of Music" and "The Wizard of Oz" were televised once a year and if you missed it, you were out of luck. Back to a time when you could literally get on your bike and sell Girl Scout Cookies door to door for an entire afternoon. And earn a merit badge, to boot. (Ok, that's not really a memory I have as I hated Girl Scouts and quit shortly after the flying up ceremony from Brownie's. I doubt I ever sold a box, much less got on my bike and drove all over town ringing doorbells. But that's neither here nor there.)
My point is: Girl Scout Cookies used to be worth the wait, but they no longer are. At all. They have a fake, chemically taste and the consistency is simply wrong. They leave a thin layer of grease on my tongue and a weird after-taste in my mouth. I took a look at the list of ingredients, and granted, while I wasn't expecting to find lots of protein and vitamins under the Nutrition Facts, I did find it odd that a product that held such nostalgia for me contained ingredients that probably weren't even produced back when I snarfed down my very first sleeve of Thin Mints. The ingredients have definitely changed and so, I'm afraid, has the taste.
I'm not afraid of the calories - I mean, if you're going to inhale a sleeve, you've got to be prepared to pay the price in fat, carbs and sodium - but what exactly is invert sugar? Cause it's listed as an ingredient. Brown sugar, white sugar, powdered sugar, sure, these are all sugars that I am quite familiar with - but invert sugar? Hmm.
I don't know about every Girl Scout Cookie - but the Do-si-do (otherwise known as the Peanut Butter Sandwich cookie - think Nutter Butter but not nearly as tasty) contains partially hydrogenated vegetable oil and partially hydrogenated palm oil. I wonder which of those oils makes up that lovely little residue that remains on my tongue even after multiple swallows and several swigs of milk?
This year I ordered a couple of boxes of Thin Mints, which I will admit are fine. Especially if you freeze them. And I bought both peanut butter types: the Do-si-do and the Tagalong, which is a peanut butter patty dipped in chocolate. And then I shook it up a bit and ordered the All Abouts, which turns out to be an exceptionally disgusting little cookie. Consisting of shortbread with a layer of chocolate fudge on the bottom, how could they possibly go wrong? Well, trust me, they did. But, as an added bonus the Girl Scouts include an inspirational word on top of each All Abouts; words like "character", "courage", and "service". They should have stamped them with "inedible". I don't know, the Keebler elves have no problem baking a delicious cookie using that same theme of shortbread and chocolate, but the Girl Scouts fall short.
And please, don't even get me going on the Lemon Chalet Cremes. Horrible. I'm pretty sure the "creme" does not have one single natural ingredient. And again, let me stress, I'm not looking for a healthy cookie: healthy and cookie should be mutually exclusive as far as I'm concerned. I'm just looking for a cookie that tastes good. I think that's what StarKist was looking for in a tuna, if I recall correctly. "Charlie, we're not looking for tuna with good taste, we're looking for tuna that taste good." In this case, "Sorry, Girl Scouts." Some of you may be too young to remember that ad campaign. And if you are, then you probably don't remember when Girl Scout Cookies tasted good.
So I hate to say it, but I think this is my last year supporting the cause. I'll no longer get excited when I see the neighborhood Girl Scout approaching my door. Instead, I'll hide in the kitchen when she rings my bell and pretend I'm not home. Or maybe I'll hop in the car and head over to Harris Teeter where I can find an entire aisle devoted to good tasting cookies. Good tasting cookies that don't require a wait, I might add. Now that's what I'm talking about...