Monday, January 12, 2009

The Golden Globes

My plan was to blog about the Golden Globes last night before I went to bed, but that didn't happen. I've had nights where even Ambien can't put me to sleep, but the Golden Globes did the trick rather nicely. I could barely keep my eyes open when Slum Dog Millionaire won it's millionth award.

So here's my recap...or what I remember of the show:

When I tuned in, Jennifer Lopez, dressed like a Golden Globe and no doubt sporting double-sided tape, referred to herself as mama when trying to quiet the crowd. Yes, Jennifer, we know about the twins. She presented the first award to Kate Winslet for The Reader. I must confess, I have not seen a lot of the movies this year, but I did read The Reader and it was not my favorite book. After Kate's acceptance speech, the movie isn't even on my radar. I know you shouldn't judge a movie by it's Best Supporting Actress' acceptance speech, but I am. 

As far as I'm concerned, the Hollywood Foreign Press needs to black ball Ms. Winslet. She needs to get a hold of her breathing and recognize that her discombobulated persona is immensely annoying to watch. And for the love of Pete, she needs to pick one or two people to thank and leave it at that. If you are really so indebted to your make up artist, Kate, send her some flowers in the morning, but spare us the patronizing, never-ending monologue. Lastly, learn your lines, you're an actress, for crying out loud, you get paid a lot of money to memorize lines...lose the cheat sheet.

Next up was Sting who presented the award for sound track. When, pray tell, did he turn into a werewolf? Bruce Springsteen was up against Hannah Montana (who stuck her tongue out at the camera when her name was announced). Rrrreally? Did Miley Cyrus rrreally think that she stood a snowball's chance in hell? He's called The Boss for a reason, my little friend. Shouldn't you be in bed, you have school in the morning. 

I forgot what happened next. But I do remember that the miniseries, John Adams, won quite a bit (rightfully so). Love all the actors: Tom Wilkinson earned Best Supporting Actor honors, Laua Linney was awarded the Best Actress and Paul Giammatti won the Best Actor award. The show itself was crowned best miniseries. I watched the miniseries in its entirety and I believe it should be required viewing for every American citizen. Hell, I'll take it a step further and require it for every earthling. Our founding fathers were a selfless, committed, brilliant ensemble and the actors and crew of the HBO series did them justice. Actors and politicians alike could learn a thing or two from this miniseries. Run, don't walk, to Blockbuster and rent this series. 

Time out for hair talk. 

What the heck was going on with Zac Ephon's hair? Hair product gone amuck. Would it have killed Sally Field to dye hers? She's got all that time on her hands now that she's only taking Boniva once a month; you think she could schedule some time with her stylist or at least L'Oreal. And before I move on, Drew Barrymore? While I loved her dress, what was up with crazy-lady-hairdo thing she had going on? She looked like a stark raving lunatic. And no, I am not going to comment on Johnny Dep's hair because I love him too much. I don't care that his greasy hair hangs in his beautiful face. He can wear it anyway he wants as long as he agrees to show up at these ridiculous award shows. It's the price we pay.

If memory serves me correctly, and mine usually doesn't, I believe Mr. Depp presented Sally Hawkins her award for Happy Go Lucky. That woman is in dire need of a burger. Make it a cheeseburger as she could use the extra protein and calories. I'm assuming Happy Go Lucky is a, well, happy go lucky kind of film? I'm assuming there were no scenes filmed in concentration camps? Why then the stick figure arms, Ms. Hawkins? She was clearly shocked and a nervous wreck up on stage, but I couldn't get past those arms of hers.

Hottest lady of the night: Demi Moore. She is smokin'. (And when I said that out loud during the show, my husband said that she looks as good as me. Swear. Those of you who are frequent readers of this blog know that my darling husband wears rose colored glasses. Love that.) Demi presented the award to Heath Leger. (moment of silence on this blog...)

Colin Farrell gave a good speech, but to make a long story could have been shortened a bit. No need to wax poetic about everything that is near and dear to your heart, Colin. We feel the love, leave it at that...

I've admitted to not seeing many of this year's films, but the only one I want to see after the GGs is Slum Dog Millionaire. Loved the screenwriter's speech - in fact - he needs a big bonus. He left me wanting more; I will see his movie on the big screen, for sure. The gentleman who won the original score was adorable. I wanted to put him in my pocket and carry him off the stage. And the director was...well...happy, to say the least. The cast and crew were a breath of fresh air. They had me at hello. 

So happy to see 30 Rock rock the house. Alec Baldwin, Tina Fey and Tracy Morgan are incredibly talented and hilarious; apparently Alec Baldwin's daughter is, as well. And here I thought she was just a rude little pig. Hmm.

How about Mickey Rourke? I was sad for Frank Langella because I like his story, but I also like when a darkhorse pulls ahead. Brad Pitt shouldn't have been nominated. No, I didn't see the movie, I just know these things. I'll give it to the make up artist for transforming Brad into Benjamin Button, but not to Brad himself, as he has worn out his welcome. Award him for being the most recognized actor on the face of the planet (move over Tom Cruise), but not so much for his acting abilities (or lack thereof). I'm sure Sean Penn was deserving but Leo isn't going to get a shout out from me because he is friends with Kate Winslet. Bad judgement on his part, therefore he loses. 

And how about Kate Winslet giving another 3 hour, breathy, chaotic acceptance speech? She took up so much time that the producers were forced to wrap up the show while the cast and crew of Slum Dog Millionaire were only beginning to bask in their glory. From what I can gather there are many, many talented actresses in Hollywood, how does she manage to land two major roles in one season? Can we not spread the wealth?

Let's cut to the chase...

Best dressed women:
1) Demi Moore
2) Eva Longoria
3) Kate Beckinsale
4) Freida Pinto
5) Eva Mendez

Kate Winslet looked beautiful and I loved her dress, but because her acceptance speeches pissed me off, I am not including her on my list. Black balled. 

What was up with all of the white, off-white, light yellow and grey dresses this year? I guess neutrals are in?

Worst dressed women:
1) Maggie Gyllenhaal (Apparently did not get the memo about the neutral dress thing. Her dress looked like something Wilma Flintstone would wear)
2) Renee Zellweger (crazy hair, crazy old lady dress, crazy lady)
3) Jenna Fischer (whoa)
4) Debra Messing (who does your hair? And why were you at the Golden Globes?)
5) Blake Lively (honey, your dress didn't fit)
6) Marissa Tomei (wtf?)
6) And lastly, what the hell happened to Piece Brosnen's wife Keely Shaye-Smith? I think she might be suffering from Oprah's thyroid issue. Get ahold of yourself, Keely. 

Best dressed men:
1) Bruce Springsteen
2) Leonard DiCaprio (would have been #1 had he not had Kate Winslet on his arm)
3) Aaron Eckhart
4) Adrian Grenier
5) Bruce Springsteen (because I love him)

Worst dressed men:
1) Mickey Rourke (you knew that was coming)
2) Tracy Morgan
3) Jonas Brothers (not really, but I hate them, so I'm including them on this list. And sticking my tongue out while I type.)

And that is all she wrote, my friends. I'm sure I'll think of more things as the day goes on, but I've got to get back to my so-called life. So, leave some comments...tell me what you thought about the show....


Lisa said...

You need to learn to cut Sally Fields some slack! Debra Messing spent all her money on make-up and none left over for a hair stylist. And why was she there? I CANNOT believe Hannah Montana was up AGAINST Bruce. Missed that.

L. said...

Never. I am not a fan of Sally's. At all. When she said, "You like me, you really like me!" She was certainly not speaking to me. The last time I could stomach her was back when she was that habit-wearin' Sister Patrill. But those days are gone forever. She bugs me.

And yes, Miley was nominated for the song in Bolt. Never saw the movie, never heard the song, but Hannah, like Sally, is not worthy.

Anonymous said...

Here's what got me the most about Kate Winslet: how do you profess your 13-year undying love for a man who is not your husband, before you even mention your husband??? Poor guy. And could Leo have blushed more? AWKward.

BFFErin said...

Totally agree with everything and for me, it is a toss up between Demi and Eva Mendes - Eva looked smashing and that girl is not even on my radar. Colin Farrel IS on my radar in a bad way but I actually thought his speech was bearable - hmmm. Bruce is adorable and THE BOSS. Miley Cyrus is a brat and the tongue thing made me scream at her through my tv - hope she heard me. I question why a lot of people were there but that actually turned in to something fun for me which is why I probably saw more of the event than you did. Harmless night but definitely not as entertaining as it has been in the past. Oh and Glenn Close - WTF????? She is smashing on Damages and looked 87 years old last night - how does that happen??

L. said...

Not to mention women (except for Ellen) should not be wearing "slacks" to an award show. (and that goes for you, too, Susan Sarandon.

Anonymous said...

Enjoyed your blog more than the critics on TV, one of whom actually like Drew Barrymore's hairstyle, which I agree was totally weird.

Katie Ryan said...

First, I was three sheets to the wind while scanning the GGs. (I was mourning the Giants) My only memory of watching them was Colin Farrell's speech. But I remembering thinking, "Wow is much more well spoken than I thought he was" Again, I went out at noon yesterday, so I could have just been drunk,

And I really like Kate Winslet, but whoever this mystery commenter is is right, in EVERY interview I see with her she talks about her love for Leo and how he is her best friend

mariner-mike said...

I think one of your favorites was there, Cameron Diaz, looking as always like the cat just dragged her in. Great recap!

L. said...

I did see Cameron Diaz looking pretty in pink! she actually looked pretty good. I think her new boyfriend has been a good influence on her...

Anonymous said...

Read this blog three times and I laughed out loud every time.

Anonymous said...

Trophy wife? You serious? And Demi looks almost as good as you? Does your husband indulge in alcoholic drinks by any chance. The red-rimmed glasses, are they prescription glasses? Bifocals?

Anonymous said...

Oooh...who's the angry, bitter anonymous commenter? Yes, Trophy Wife, that is correct..Laurie is a trophy wife. And they aren't red-rimmed glasses, you moron, they are rose colored glasses, quite different. Her husband adores her, that's usually how relationships work, but from the tone of your comment, we will assume that you are not in a relationship.

Anonymous said...

I worship you.

coffee said...

Mickey Rourke was great in The Wrestler, maybe too good... i guess that's why he deserves the Golden Globe