The Three Amigos

Whoa. Tonight's performance should be called Judges Behaving Badly. Ridiculous behavior from every last one of them. So I'm going to give my two cents before I give their lame feedback...

Gokey starts us out tonight with Paula's choice of Dance Little Sister.

• Laurie: What the? Why did he bring out that saxophone player? Verrry awkward. Coming on the heels of seeing Bruce Springsteen in concert with the Big Man, Clarence Clemons, that was painful for me to watch. Danny's got great vocals, but I am not all over this song (although I realize that's Paula's fault, not Danny's.)
• Randy: Dude that was dope for me, dude. (Really, Randy? Really are we going to go there again?)
• Kara: She didn't like the dancing. Somebody needs to tell her that this is American Idol and not So You Think You Can Dance.
• Paula: Enter Paula, who sets Kara straight by telling her that she's a choreographer...
• Simon: Tells both ladies that Danny is not being judged on his dancing and then proceeds to say that he doesn't like the saxophone or the song choice thereby echoing my sentiments exactly. Love him.

Next up, Kris. Now, tell me why Kara and Randy pick Kris' song and Simon chooses Adam's song? Fair? Hardly. I think Simon should have picked all the songs. I'm not happy that Kris is at the mercy of the Dog and the Drama Queen, but he is...

And he's singing Apologize. They picked it because it's a big song, with a big range and it's going to be Kris' big moment. (or not...)

• Laurie: Love his crooked smile. Love his piano playing. I know the judges are going to be all over the fact that he isn't changing it up, but I still love him.
• Randy: says something about the song showing us how great he can be????
• Kara: I want to punch Kara in the face. What is with all the drama? The over enunciating of the words and the gesturing of the hands and the same schtick week after week. She doesn't like the piano, she says Kris should have been more gutsy and played the guitar. How, pray tell, is the guitar more gutsy? She's talking nonesense.
• Paula: blah, blah, blah....
• Simon: goes off on Kara for her song choice and then...well...hmm...honestly, I have no idea what they are all arguing about. Poor Kris is left up on stage while Paula his pounding on Simon's breasts and Kara is trying to convince us all of her artistic talents.

Simon informs us that the official word from Bono is that he is honored that Adam is singing One. I'm still pissed that Adam and Simon got paired up. Somebody is playing favorites.

• Laurie: You know what? I don't think it's that great. First of all, Adam looks like Mr. Spock this evening. He's wearing ear pieces to help him hear, I guess, and the wires kind of go up to a point making Adam look a lot like the Star Trek character. Weird. So, I'm assuming those ear pieces allow him to hear his SCREAMS even louder and clearer? Seriously, what is up with the screaming? And is it me or is his tongue unbelievably pointy? And does he constantly stick it out when he screams? I know, I sound bitter and ugly because Kris got stuck with Dumb and Dumber and Adam got Simon, but still...I'm just saying...
• Randy: Hottest. In the Zone. (Randy speak for "it was great").
• Kara: Thinks Adam is a strategist. Hmm.
• Paula: Resents Adam for doing such a good job because Simon can now gloat.
• Simon: And gloat he does...brilliant song choice. (Bite me, Simon.)

Now we take a break and go to Africa with Carrie Underwood...or at least some of us do, I choose not to....

Adam's back with Joe Cocker's, You Are So Beautiful.

• Laurie: I think it's a bit dorky. I don't know, Danny has a great voice, but that's about all he has. I don't see any star quality. I want to see star quality, but he is void of star quality.
• Randy: Mad vocals.
• Kara: Stunning.
• Paula: You left us breathless.
• Simon: Vocal master class.

Kris is singing Kanye West's Heartless...I LOVE this song and hope that Kris blows one out of the park....

• Laurie: And that he does! Home run, baby. This is my favorite song of the night. (And yes, I realize that Adam still has to sing one, but I'm not going to like it nearly as much as this one.) I am sooo in Kris' camp.
• Randy: Likes it better than Kanye's version. Kanye is going to be pissed....
• Kara: Thinks it was bold, brave and fearless. Do you think it had something to do with the guitar? Can't wait for Kara to shut up.
• Paula: Says it was relevant. Funny, cause I would describe her as irrelevant.
• Simon: Admits that he wrote Kris off after the first song, but he's changed his mind after that performance...

And then the Chosen One comes back on stage. No, I'm done, I'm not even going to try to hide my bitterness. He's singing Aerosmith's Crying. Wait, no, he's not singing it...he's SCREAMING it.

• Laurie: What is up with that pointy tongue?
• Randy: Says he's a charismatic rock star. That might be the biggest word he's used all season. Props for the dog.
• Kara: Says she'll see him at the finals. Whatever, Kara.
• Paula: Says he sets the bar high.
• Simon: Tells Adam he belongs in the finals based on his talent. (And not on his screaming ability, I guess?)

Roll the recap tape and let's see what I missed the first time around:

1. Danny has a fantastic voice, no doubt about it, but nothing much else going for him. I think Danny will be back in the church choir on Sunday.
2. Kris has a great voice, a great personality, star quality and America will eat him up (with a spoon).
3. Adam is extremely talented, is as cool as they come and if Kris wasn't in the competition, I'd want him to win....

It happens every season....as much as I love Idol, I am so ready for it to be over....and I'm at that point. Let's just crown Kris the winner and go home...