Separating the Men from the Boys...

For the record, I prefer Simon in a tight t-shirt rather than a chest-baring, white (un)button-down. And as long as I'm commenting on the judges, let me just say that Ellen is even more adorable than I dreamed possible. Such a great addition. And...I didn't think I could possibly dislike Kara any more than I did last season, but, after just two nights, I can barely look at her. She spews complete nonsense and does so with an air of authority and an annoying swagger. And Randy? He's just a chair filler; a blob.

Now let's get the party started...

Toddrick Hall is too cool for school. Period. I think it's very telling that in his intro he describes himself as a writer, actor and dancer and fails to mention...singer. He does know that this is a singing competition, right? He's definitely a performer who feels at home on the stage, but he lacks the likability factor.

Aaron Kelly makes David Archuletta look like a freaking bully. Honestly, he is beyond sweet. I have no idea what song he is singing, but he sings it well. The judges seem pleased. Simon comments on Aaron's lack of confidence and Ellen counters by saying that she loves his humbleness. Randy says something philosophical like, "Sixteen. What a voice, dude. Wow." And I don't know what Kara is saying because I'm fast-fowarding through her pep talk and screaming at the TV telling Kara to shut the ffffront door!

Next up, Jermaine Sellers. I don't like his weird facial hair. I don't like his style. I don't like his over the top performance. I don't like anything about him. I don't like Jermaine Sellers.

And then it's Tim Urban's turn. He apparently was added after the fact when one of the Top 12 men couldn't fulfill his duties. He sings Apologize and it is beyond painful. Simon does not hold back and tells him that they made the right decision the first time around when they cut him. Ouch. Tim looks like he's going to cry and when the camera pans to his mother in the audience, she too looks like she's going to cry. Ellen tries to alleviate some of the uneasy tension by telling him that he's adorable (about 50 times), but it is still very awkward. I don't think that Tim is going to get a second second chance.

In his up close and personal, Joe Munoz tells us that he told his friends that someday he's going to be on stage and now it's finally happening. Finally? Cause you're like what, 18 years old, Joe? And it's finally happening? So you've been waiting forever. Well, enjoy it while it lasts, Joe. I already forgot him. Joe, who?

Tyler Grady is that 70's dude. The judges crack me up, they constantly tell the contestants to be true to themselves, to be who they want to be. So Tyler decides a long time ago that he wants to be Jim Morrison and when he gets up on stage and does his thing...the judges tell him to be somebody more current. At least, I think that's what they say, I can't hit that fast-forward button fast enough. Tyler bores me, the judges bore me. I'm bored.

Until Lee Dewyze opens his mouth. He sings Chasing Cars and I don't care what the buffoons say, I like Lee and his version of the song. I think he's adorable in a Chris Daughtry sort of way. Ellen and Simon agree: he's authentic and gives one of the best performances of the night.

Song choice, song choice, song choice. Apparently those words mean nothing to John Park who chooses God Bless This Child and proceeds to put me back to sleep. He might get the grandmother vote tonight, but he certainly isn't getting the under 65 vote. The camera catches his parents while Simon is telling John that he showed zero emotion. If looks could kill, Simon would be dead. Unfortunately, I think it's John Park who is going to be dead...dead last.

Now it's time to see the birth of Michael Lyche's daughter for the umpteen millionth time. I know the judges think he is the greatest thing since sliced bread, but me...not so much. I am not all over his enormous personality or his enormous biceps. And really, if we are being honest here, they aren't so much enormous muscular as they are enormous fat. Right? I'm just not feeling the love for Big Mike. His version of This Love is very lounge-lizard-like. I'm sure he'll be around for awhile and I'm sure we'll eventually get to meet his daughter, but I am not looking forward to either.

Ellen tells Alex Lambert that she likes the fact that he's holding on to the mullet. It's not really a mullet; he has a little flip on the end much like the do that Florence Henderson sported as Carol in the Brady Bunch. The resemblance is uncanny, really. But bad hairdos aside, poor Alex, this is thee most uncomfortable performance I think I've ever seen on Idol. Whoa. I just want it to END. Where is that giant hook to pull him off the stage?

You know who surprises me tonight? Casey James. Once I tune out Kara's rude antics, I really enjoy Casey's performance. Casey's got swagger. He's more than a pretty face, he can actually sing.

And the last man of the evening is Andrew Garcia singing a Fallout Boys song. I think the judges are too hard on him. I like his version and I think he has a great voice. It's just a damn shame that he looks like that....and following Casey "the eye candy" James doesn't help matters. But I think America will invite him back next week (and hopefully by then he'll have invested in some contact lenses).

I wish I could fast-foward through the next 3 weeks. Just give us the Top Ten already....