82nd Annual Academy Awards....

Ah, the Oscars...my favorite night of television. Granted, I could have shortened the show by about 2 hours, but what else is new? Had they eliminated the opening act with Neil Patrick Harris, I would have been in bed before the stroke of midnight. I was actually excited to see him, but he lost me as soon as he started singing that ridiculous song. Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin were all they needed. They were my favorite hosts to date; funny, charming, witty and entertaining. I could have watched just the two of them all night.

Penelope Cruz, looking stunning, presented the first award for best actor. I know that Christoph Waltz is very deserving of the award. He's been at it for years, in fact, he's what they call a 20-year overnight sensation. I'm very happy for him, but I would have rather seen Matt Damon up on that stage. I haven't seen either performance, so when I am not familiar with the movies, I vote purely on looks and in the looks department, Matt Damon wins hands down. In fact, given that logic, Matt should have won every award last night.

This is an Oscar first for me....are you ready? Cameron Diaz looked gorgeous. Who knew? Not I. I have been writing about her need for a good shower and a comb for years. Apparently she got the message. Her hair was combed, her dress was beautiful and other than her ruddy complexion (HD is not a friend to all actresses, I'm afraid) she gets an A+ on the red carpet. She and Steve Carell presented the award to the Up folks for the animated feature film. I am not a fan of animation. Then again, I never thought I'd be a fan of Cameron Diaz. Never say never. (It was a cute acceptance speech.)

It was a actually a good night for acceptance speeches. For the most part, I thought everybody did well. There were a few unprepared winners and a few annoying winners, but it wouldn't be the Oscars without them. After one particularly bad acceptance speech where the winner fumbled and drew a blank and was painful to watch, the camera panned to Steve Martin who quipped, "I wrote that speech for him." Perfect timing and very, very funny.

Amanda Seyfried and Miley Cyrus presented an award together. Amanda's dress was one of my favorites of the evening. Miley's dress wasn't bad (it wasn't good either, but it wasn't bad), but her posture was preposterous. Way to kill a look, Miley....pull those shoulders up, back and down. I want to like this girl (not true, I just don't want to despise her), but she makes it difficult each time I see her in action. Based on the fact that the girls seems enamored with herself, you'd think she'd hold her head high - but that is not the case.

The cutest presenters were Robert Downey, Jr and Tina Fey. Their witty banter back and forth was adorable to watch. And while I love Tina Fey and think she is one of the best comedy writers of our day, she never manages to look good. Hmm. She's full of hysterical ideas and fantastic words, but not so much fashion sense. I guess the same goes for Mr. Downey. Still, they are two of my favorite celebs.

Did anybody else think that Molly Ringwald looked like Carol Burnett with a wig? She was very nervous up on stage during the John Hughes tribute. I was surprised there wasn't a Farah Fawcett slide show. Didn't she die this year, or am I off a year?

Weirdest Moment of the Evening: I don't remember which award it was...I think Documentary Short, or something like that, but the winner was in the middle of his acceptance speech when a fat, redheaded woman stormed the stage and interrupted him a la Kanye West. Who was that odd woman and why didn't anybody stop her?

Ben Stiller, dressed as one of those weird Avatar people, presented the award for Best Make Up. I thought I hated all things Avatar, but his take on it was very amusing.

Robin Williams presented the Best Supporting Actress award. Not sure who bugs me more: Robin or Mo'Nique. They are both quite taken with themselves. Mo'Nique scares me; I would not like to cross her path. Ever. But at least her speech was short and sweet. Well, not sweet. She comes across as a rather angry woman (and quite full of herself.)

Tom Ford and Sarah Jessica Parker presented the award for Costume Design. Tom Ford looked fab. Sarah Jessica Parker, not so much. Hated her dress. Hated that her spray tan was too orange. And HATED the fact that she was chewing gum. Who chews gum at an award ceremony? I usually like the way the Sex in the City star looks, but not this time.

Ok, I'm starting to bore myself, so let's wrap this thing up.

Best Actor went to Jeff Bridges. Who used the word "man" way too many times in his speech. Man, he looks a lot like Colonel Sanders. But, man, is he deserving of the award. He's been married for, man, thirty some-odd years which is about 85 in Hollywood years. I liked how they did the personal tributes to the actors. Granted, by time time we got to the big awards I just wanted to go to bed, but it was still a nice touch.

Best Actress went to Sandra Bullock and not Meryl Streep (thank god). I must admit, I was not a Sandra Bullock fan until I saw The Blind Side. She was very good and hopefully this award means that she'll never have to be Miss Congeniality again. I loved her acceptance speech and I thought she looked exquisite.

The best part of the evening was when James Cameron and Avatar did not win. Harsh? Perhaps. I realize I am probably the only person in the world who hated Avatar, but surely I'm not the only person who finds James Cameron a tad bit over-celebrated? If I hear one more time what a genius he is, I'm going to puke. I already came clean: I am not a fan of animation. I like my creativity in the form of humans writing great lines and humans delivering them. Regardless, I'm glad the Academy recognized Kathryn Bigelow and The Hurt Locker. But talk about bad acceptance speeches...whoa, The Hurt Locker folks could have used a little help.

Ok, let's review dresses, shall we?

Here are some of my faves...

• Loved Colin Firth and his wife - they looked beautiful together.
• Already mentioned that I loved Sandra Bullock's look (but not her lipstick).
• Enjoyed seeing Kristen Stewart dressed like a young woman, for a change.
• Demi Moore looked beautiful in a very plastic surgeon kind of way. Loved her dress, but she's been nipped and tucked so many times, I don't know what is real and what is fake. Not that it matters, she looked great. Did she have her hips removed? Just wondering.
• Ryan Reynolds is one of the best looking guys in Hollywood. Tall, dark, and very handsome.
• I think my favorite dress was Helen Mirren's. She always looks elegant.
• Meryl Streep looked pretty good, for Meryl Streep.
• Did I mention that I thought Matt Damno looked good? Yes, I think I did.

And here are some of my not-so-faves....

• Charlize Theron. It looked like she was being groped by her dress. The whole thing was wrong.
• Kathryn Bigelow looked lovely, but the puckering of the dress was driving my crazy.
• Was Jenny from the Block's dress made out of styrofoam?
• Note to Mariah Carey: we know you have breasts and we are well aware of the fact that you have legs. There is no need to expose them every chance that you get. No need.
• Is anybody besides me scared of Woody Harrelson? He looks like a psycho killer.
• Rachel McAdams is such a pretty girl, but that dress was just....ugly.
• Did Keanu Reeves lose 400 lbs? Holy guacamole, that guy is thin. And I was not a fan of the wooly facial hair.
• Carrie Mulligan is adorable, her dress...not so much.
• I can't believe I'm putting George Clooney on this list...but...his hair was too long. Way too long. So he's on the bad list. Maybe he's growing it out for a role. Hopefully they'll be wrapping up soon.
• Kate Winslet dresses like an old fart. She really does. I didn't hate her dress, but I didn't like it either. I couldn't tell if it was old-fashioned or futuristic. I just knew I didn't like it.
• Ok, now both ladies from Precious....it's politically incorrect to say they didn't look beautiful....but I'm saying it...they didn't look beautiful. Somebody needs to tell Mo'Nique that you are never fully dressed without a smile. And somebody needs to tell Gabourey Sidibe that stretch marks on the arms requires that those arms be covered up. There, I said it.

And that, is the 82 Annual Academy Awards in a nutshell. When he was wrapping the show up, Steve Martin said it best...he said that the show was so long, Avatar is now in the past.