It's an important night on Idol: if you get cut this week, you do not tour this summer. The camera pans the Top 11 and I think to myself, "Hmm, I don't really like any of them."
Before Lee Dewyze starts us off, he spends some time with Miley Cyrus, this week's mentor. I realize that she's sold millions of records, but unless Lee is looking to hook the under 9 crowd, I'm not sure what relevance Miley brings to the table. But enough of Miley, Lee sounds good. Not sure what's going on with that weird trumpet-playing guy, but I like the way Lee looks and the way Lee sounds. Randy, Ellen and Kara agree...but Simon doesn't think the song defines him. Contrary Mary.
Next up...Paige Miles. Whoa. She mentions that her shoes are very high. Little does she know that the shoes are the high point of the entire performance. Man, does Paige sound awful. Horrible. The judges hate it. But you know what? Good for Paige, because she "had fun doing it." That's code for: I know it sucked, I really screwed up. Unless one of the next 9 performers forgets the words or falls off the stage, I think it's safe to say that Paige will not be touring this summer.
And Tim Urban should thank her profusely. He sings Crazy Little Thing Called Love. Did I read that Hannah Montana is wrapping things up this season? Miley is going on to bigger and better things. Well, if Tim plays his cards right, he may get the next show on the Disney Chanel. He's adorable, but he's also ridiculous.
Aaron Kelly is younger than Tim, but sings like a big boy. He chooses I Don't Want to Miss a Thing and sings it well (considering he is sick). His voice doesn't look like it should be coming out of that head. But, Aaron is kind of growing on me (even if he admitted to having a crush on Miley Cyrus.) He's stiff in a David Archuletta kind of way, but he really does have an amazing voice. And I should remind you that this is a singing competition. In case you were not aware of that fact.
Crystal Bowersox actually looks good tonight. I like what they've done with her dreads. She's singing Bobby McGee and as you might imagine, she is in a league of her own. She is so very talented, but I'm afraid America (the Americans who text their votes) won't warm up to Crystal. Don't get me wrong, she'll be around for awhile, but unless she opens up a bit, I'm not sure America is going to embrace her. Oh, wait, she just invited Ryan to sit criss-cross-applesauce on the rug with her. There you go, she's trying to get down to our level. She's attempting to connect. Excellent.
Big Mike. It's going to take a miracle for Big Mike to win me over. His bear hugs bug me. Must he lift every person that he meets two feet off the ground? I can't look at him when he sings. His voice isn't the problem, it's his entire being. The judges aren't overly impressed with him this evening. They think When a Man Loves a Woman was a safe choice. He looks like a black Shrek to me. Too bad he isn't singing something from the Shrek soundtrack. Maybe next week. Ok, no miracle. I still am not a fan.
Andrew Garcia does not get a hug from Miley. She disses him with a handshake. Hmm. He's singing Heard it Though the Grapevine and the arrangement is just bizarre. Ok, I'm not going to waste any more time on him...he just proved it to me...that Paula song during Hollywood week was a fluke. End of story.
Katie Stevens finally looks like a teenager. Well, almost. She's singing Fergie's Big Girls Don't Cry and she doesn't sound half bad. Hmm. It's a little opera-like, but really, not half bad. There is something fake and contrived about Katie. Randy applauds her for listening to the judges, but I disagree (go figure). Randy says she's listening, I say she's a puppet. She's got no originality, no spunk of her own. And...she's just not very likable.
When Casey James meets Miley, he says, "I'm a big fan of...your dad's." Ouch. Love that he says that, but is he really a fan of Achey, Breaky Heart? Man, I hope not. Casey is singing Power of Love and to say I hate this song is an understatement. He sounds exactly like Huey Lewis and that is not a good thing in my book. But apparently it is in Randy's book; he "believes it." Whatever. Ellen and Kara like the performance, as well. But Simon sides with me. He thinks it's old-fashioned and is disappointed that Casey doesn't make it his own. Me too, Simon.
Are we done yet? Nope, two more.
Didi Benami is singing You're No Good and it appears that she is in a high school musical. I am a little embarrassed for her and can't quite look at her, so I fast-foward to the end. Apparently I am not alone; Kara and Simon get the feeling that she is playing a character, as well. Didi feels the need to defend her performance and I am telling her to shut it while I fast-forward to Siobhan.
She might be my favorite. Such a pleasant, quirky little freak. She is so genuine and so unique and so very talented. She finishes singing Superstition and the camera pans to the judges but not before we get a headshot of Miley Cyrus chomping on a wad of chewing gum. Really, Miley? Where is your mentor? Stick with a Lifesaver next time. Siobhan will be busy this summer, for sure, even if Simon didn't like this particular performance, she's secured a spot on the tour bus.
Ryan cues the tape and we recap the evening:
1) Love Lee Dewyze.
2) Bye-bye Paige.
3) Tim, be sure to thank Paige...
4) Aaron can sing. Period.
5) Crystal = phenomenal
6) Mike = Shrek (When an Ogre Loves a Woman)
7) Andrew...WAIT A MINUTE...he might be worse than Paige! Is that possible? Yes, I think it is.
8) Katie is a Pop puppet.
9) Casey is going on tour.
And it seems that my DVD stopped recording the recap of Didi and Siobhan. But I think those ladies are fine.
Bottom 3? I'm going with....Paige, Andrew and Tim.