Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Bye Bye Brooke

I can still hear her gasps, for crying out loud. 

Was it really that much of a shock to Brooke that she was going home tonight? She seemed absolutely devastated by the news of her departure. If it didn't happen tonight, it was certainly going to happen next week, so what is up with the mass hysterics? She is a freaking train wreck, that one. It was good to see her attempt one last do over with her parting song. Brooke, honey, GO HOME. I've had enough of your back-talking-song-restarting-emotionally-unstable-mouth-contorting-nervous-nilly nonsense. 

Loved when she cut her song short and walked away turning her back to the camera. Did you notice that none of the Idols tried to comfort her? I'm telling you, there is no love between these Idols this season. No hugs, no high fivin', no cutting up on the couch while watching those ridiculous Ford ads. Nothing. I noticed it when David Archuleta joined Jason Castro on the safe couch, as well. They barely acknowledge one another.  It's really rather awkward. Paula is the only one giving out any sugar this season. 

Paula and Natasha Bedingfield. I actually found her to be quite entertaining until she fawned all over David Archuleta. As a result, I will never listen to another Natasha Bedingfield song again. Ever. She is dead to me. And David Archuleta might as well be dead, as he is void of emotion and personality and barely has a pulse. The way he sputters and mutters when the judges praise him or Ryan tells him he's safe is just too weird for words.

But what's even weirder is that he's going to win this thing. Syesha will go home next week, Jason the week after that and then it will be down to the Davids. And little Archy is going to bring home the prize. But I don't think he'll ever be da bomb. He might be the opening act for Natasha Bedingfield, but unless Disney signs him, his 15 minutes are just about up. 

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Final Five: Neil Diamond Night

What the hell just happened there?

That was the most chaotic, rushed, discombobulated show in Idol history. It started out slow with what seemed like an endless homage to Neil Diamond and his music and then sped up to the point where I was getting dizzy. And clearly I was not alone as Paula reviewed Jason Castro's second song before he even had a chance to sing it. Seriously, what is that woman on? Not sure who was behind that format change that confused Paula so, but I would have much preferred hearing each Idol sing one Neil Diamond song rather than two Neil Diamond snippets. 

Tonight's show clearly didn't help those falling ratings we've been hearing about. And just for the record, I am not buying those teasers of Seacrest being ousted. I caution against relying on this scuttlebutt. Ryan Seacrest is one of the best things that ever happened to Idol (the other being Simon, of course). Now, if the producers want to rethink the whole Paula/Randy thing, then yes, I would be all over that. But Ryan isn't going anywhere.

Ok, so let's get down to it. Neil Diamond gets a B- for his mentoring skills. He looks good, time has been a friend to Mr. Diamond, that is for sure. But he offered nothing of any significance to the Idols in the way of good advice or feedback. But then again, Lord Webber is a tough act to follow. Suggesting to Brooke that she change the words "New York" to "Arizona" in reference to his line in "I am I said" was, well, in a word...ridiculous. That's not what the judges have in mind when they tell the Idols to "make it your own." But apparently that's the best Neil could do. Hmm. 

So Jason Castro started us off with "Forever in Blue Jeans". And while he didn't change the words to make it his own, he did sport a pair of blue jeans. Does that count? I think Neil would say yes because chances are Mr. Diamond wore one of those sparkly Vegas-style blouses and polyester pants when he recorded it. 

Ok, so then all the other Idols had a chance to sing and then Jason came back for his second snippet of "September Morn". I love that little crooked smile of his when he sings. He actually sings and smiles out of the side of his mouth. I thought his vocals were fabulous. And sure, the judges are right when they say that Jason doesn't get out of his comfort zone, but I don't think it matters. Because even after all these weeks, I still just want to put Jason in my pocket...the kid is adorable. And I think America agrees. I loved when the camera panned the audience and we got to see Jason's super-cool friends hanging out in the seats usually reserved for the Idol's families. Both Jason and his friends appear amused by the fact that he is among the five still standing. They are happy to sit in the audience and cheer on their friend, but they'd be just as happy to take him back to campus and head over to the keg party. But I don't think that's going to happen this week. 

David Cook sang "I'm Alive". Neil Diamond said that he has the right material, the right attitude and the right voice. I hope he gets the right amount of votes (read: way more than David Archuleta). For his second time around he sang, "All I Really Need is You". His voice was hauntingly beautiful and he rocked the house. Paula said, "I think I'm already looking at the American Idol" and while I agree with her, I'm not sure Paula knows what the heck she's looking at half the time, so I'm not so sure her opinion will have any bearing on anything. 

Brooke White sang "I'm a Believer". A manic believer, maybe. Whoa, was that performance over the top or what? Her smile was way too big and she was trying way too hard. So it came as no surprise when defending her performance she told Ryan that she "had a great time." Really? Huh. I had no idea. I am so over the having-a-great-time-up-there bullshit, I cannot even begin to tell you. She did redeem herself a bit by singing "I am I said" the second time around. And yes, she took Neil Diamond's advice and changed the lyrics to reveal that she hails from Arizona and not New York. Which made it sooo much more believable for me. Not. 

I am almost tempted not to say a thing about David Archuleta. I am that over him. He sang "Sweet Caroline" and butchered the heck out of the melody in an attempt to make it his own. It reminded me of an instrumental version of the song that you might hear in a doctor's waiting room....but with lyrics. I thought it was horrendous. And I knew he was going to sing "America". Every song he sings sounds exactly the same to me. Not a hint of creativity in anything. I'm boycotting him from this point forward. I do not want to see him win this thing. I think Disney should make him an offer now and spare us. Disney is in the market for a new squeaky clean kid now that Miley Cyrus posed for those provocative shots in Vanity Fair. I think David Archuleta is the boy for the job. 

Simon thinks Syesha Mercado is going home tomorrow night. She sang "Hello Again" for her first trip to the stage. It reminded me of a performance you might see in the talent portion of the Miss America contest. It was beyond corny and to add insult to injury she opted to go barefoot for that girl next door look. She came back for a second time to sing, "Thank the Lord for the Night Time" and I was thanking the Lord when she was done. It was very dinner theatre-ish. Syesha will end up on Broadway, you mark my words. And when she does, the critics will love her. But the Idol critics are not all over the likes of Syesha, so I'm with Simon...I think she'll be heading home tomorrow night. 

So who will join Syesha in the bottom two? I would love to see David Archuleta on one of those stools, but I'd eat my hat if that happened. So I'm going to say that it will probably be an all girl bottom two. I think Brooke will be ok, leaving Syesha to be the one to pack her bags...

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Idol Thoughts Turn to Idle Rants and Raves

So a lot of people have asked me if I will keep Reid It and Weep going once Idol is over. 

First of all, Idol is never over. And second of all...yes. Instead of blogging about Idol contestants, I will blog about idle things. I'm looking forward to it. I've got this sweet freelance gig going on right now but as soon as that winds down and the Idol is crowned, I'll have nothing but time on my hands. I have high hopes of sprucing up the ole blog; maybe change the look and add some advertisements, perhaps include a subscription feed. (On second thought, maybe I'll hire a service to do the sprucing up so that I can concentrate on the rants). 

Rest assured, I am never without a rant (or two). But, this is where it gets tricky. I've felt relatively safe ripping apart the judges, the Idols and their mentors, because I don't know them from Adam. But once I start ranting about the things that are near and dear to me, well, there is a chance I could step on some toes. And I certainly don't want to hurt anybody's feelings. 

For instance, I could probably fill up an entire blog about my family. My kids alone provide me with enough material for several blogs. Once you factor in my mother, my sisters and my husband, look out blogosphere. (BTW, that line alone is going to piss off my mother.) So I'm going to have to be careful about what I choose to blog about. Either that or everybody I know is going to have to acquire another layer or two of skin. 

And then there is the possibility of offending people I don't even know. Which technically I guess I've already done when an edited version of my blog appeared on Based on the comments that were posted, I don't think the general public "got" me. I've been told that my biting sarcasm doesn't always translate well. Hmm. Imagine that. 

But what the hey, I'll give it a shot. I can always make new friends. And as for my kids, if not the blog, then surely something else I do will cause them to seek therapy as young adults, right? So, yes, stay tuned for some non-Idol idle rants....but promise to take it with a grain of salt. 

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Her Irish Eyes Were Smiling (despite the fact that she was going home)

Wow. It's really not what you sing, or how you sing, but rather who is singing it. 

It scares me to think that it might be a popularity contest from this point forward, because I think David Archuleta has himself quite the fan base. Damn it. Shouldn't his fans be in bed or at least studying when they open those darn phone lines?

But that's neither here nor there, let's recap, shall we?

Not to beat a dead horse into the ground, but I still don't get what Lord Andrew Lloyd Webber's music has to do with a contemporary pop star?? Randy said that the music was technically difficult for the Idols. I don't think the problem was the level of difficulty, but rather the feeling of coming across as a complete assclown for singing show tunes on the Idol stage.

But Lord Andrew proved himself to be a jolly good mentor, even if he dissed sweet Jason. There is no denying that Jason is a character, but at least he doesn't resemble a cartoon character. Seriously, was it painful to watch and listen to the Lord or was it just me? Maybe that's why Jason had such a hard time taking advice from Sir Goofy? Hopefully he'll warm up to Neil Diamond. And hopefully he'll get plenty of sleep tonight - did you notice his big yawn while he was waiting backstage to learn of his fate? Dude, he was just chillin'. 

So, yeah, the Davids were shock there. I'll tell you what, I'm getting rrreally sick of looking at Mr. Archuleta's bad hat. Or is it a cap? I think technically it's considered a cap. Nonetheless, it's a ridiculous look. I would love to see the cap, the father and the son go bye-bye, but I don't think that's in the stars. 

And then Ryan brought out Syesha and Brooke. How about Brooke apologizing for interrupting the judges? I like this side of Brooke. Sing it and then zip it. Done. America likes it better, too. And while Syesha had a great performance last night, I wasn't surprised to see her in the bottom two. America doesn't like Syesha; they've never warmed up to her. In last night's post I mentioned that she showed more personality and pizzazz in that one performance than she had all season. Well, tonight she set the record straight and explained that it wasn't her personality last night, she was merely playing the part of a "happy person". What the? So America was right...she really is void of personality? I was hoping Ryan would send her home tonight along with Carly. They're roommates, you know. Whatever.  

But alas, Carly had to take it for the team. And she was lovely to the bitter end. Noticably missing in the audience this evening was her painted husband, replaced by her beautiful mother and sisters. I think that was a calculated move from the Smithson camp. Word got back to Carly that her husband scared the hell out of the pre-teen set. Ah, but they were a day late and a dollar short. 

Maybe we can convince Carly's husband to sit next to Mr. Archuleta next week?

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

The Top 6 Sing Show Tunes

So tonight Lord Andrew Lloyd Webber joined the cast and crew of Idol. Or shall I say they joined him in Vegas. 

I was dreading the visit, but I must admit, he was surprisingly entertaining and offered some of the Idols rather good advice. But I just can't get my head around what the producers are doing this season? First they book Mariah Carey after years of hearing the judges warn the Idols not to go near a Mariah Carey song and then they bring us the King of Broadway even though Simon has been known to use the expression "very Broadway" to signify a less than stellar performance. It seems rather cruel to me. 

But Syesha didn't mind. Ms. Mercado was in her element singing "One Rock 'N Roll too Many". I am not a fan of hers, but she deserves kudos for that performance. She showed more personality and pizzazz tonight than she has all season. It reminded me of when she lost her voice during auditions and I was rooting for her to pull through. I almost started rooting for her again tonight...but, that's just not going to happen. You know why? If Syesha can belt out a show tune and is most comfortable dancing, acting and singing show tunes, then Syesha should be on Broadway starring in Wicked and not on the Idol stage competing for the title. 

Jason, Jason, Jason. I said that Lord Andrew (and not Sir Andrew as Paula mistakenly referred to him as) offered some of the Idols rather good advice. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case for Jason. I think Jason and his dreads came across as a joke to the Lord, so he opted to let Jason attempt "Memory" so he could have a good laugh. That's not funny. I still think Jason is beyond adorable. I want to dunk him in my coffee. And while I agree with Randy and prefer to hear him sing a little Jack Johnson with his guitar, I will gladly listen to him sing "Memory" any day of the week. As long as I can look at him while he is singing. 

Brooke White has been plagued with a bad case of nerves for the past couple of weeks. And I'm afraid this week's jitters may have done her in. She sang, and then stopped, and then started singing "You Must Love Me" again. The poor thing was a mess from start to finish. It was very uncomfortable to watch. At least she didn't try to explain to the judges why she was having a bad night, because honestly, I couldn't take any more of that nonsense. She doesn't have to put words to her feelings, you can tell she's struggling when she does that weird thing with her mouth. She closes her lips tightly over her teeth and draws the ends down until she bears a striking resemblance to one of the muppets from Sesame Street. 

I'm not sure what Randy and Paula heard when David Archuleta sang "Think of Me". The performance I witnessed was one of the most boring of the evening (at least Brooke and Jason had some drama). Loved that Lord Andrew told him to keep his damn eyes open. You could tell that David was really struggling with that while singing the song. But he'll do fine with America as evidenced by the pre-teen set that attacked him with hugs before he hit the stage. That was a snapshot of the people who are voting each week. When they are not listening to Radio Disney or buying Kidz Bop, they are texting their vote for David Archuleta. Well you know what? They can have him. 

Unlike Jason Castro, Carly Smithson received some good advice from Andrew Lloyd Weber. "Superstar" was a far better choice than "All I Ask of You". As soon as the performance was over and I saw that Paula was on her feet, I knew that Carly was going to be alright. She sang it well and was quite entertaining. She not only brought Paula to her feet, she brought her husband, the walking, talking tattoo to his feet, as well. Actually, I'm not so sure that he does talk, as I've never seen or heard him in an interview. Rumor has it that he keeps a low profile so as not to scare voters away by his appearance. He probably should have taken the cue from the three judges tonight and donned a Phantom of the Opera mask. He is one scary dude. 

And last, but certainly not least, was David Cook singing "Music of the Night". And he brought the house down. This boy can sing the hell out of anything (and keep his eyes open while doing so, thank you very much). David Cook has gotten better and better with each passing week. At the beginning of the season I could hardly bear to look at his comb-over and listen to his smugness. But he has transformed right before my eyes. Not only is he one of the most humble Idols (man, did I have that one wrong), he is smokin' hot and can sing and play the guitar and arrange a melody like nobody's business. Move over David Archuleta and your pre-teen set, this is the David to beat. 

So who is at risk of going home? My money is on Brooke, but she will be joined by Jason in the bottom three, for sure. Personally, I think Paula should go home. While she looked lovely this evening, I don't think she put together one cohesive sentence all night. She waxed poetic about everything under the sun and made not a lick of sense. I suppose we'll hear from Andrew Lloyd Webber tomorrow night, right? I'm not sure he sings, but perhaps he'll take over the Ricky Minor orchestra? Looking forward to that. Not. 

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Goodbye Kristy and the Horse You Rode in on...

What happened to the 1/2 hour format that Idol used to follow on elimination night? 

Holy mother of pearl was that show loooong tonight. They need to cut it back down to 30 minutes. And even that is 25 minutes too long. Those ridiculous phone calls add nothing to the entertainment value of the show. And really, must we give every Idol runner-up a chance to sing and plug their new CD? I think not. 

Ok, before we talk about the fall of Kristy Lee Cook, can we talk about Mariah? And her diamond studded microphone and stand? And her dress? Or lack thereof. And please tell me that wasn't a glitter tattoo butterfly on her back. Please. Man, that girl is smokin' hot. And while she looks like something you might see in Penthouse Magazine, she appears to act more like the girl next door. Hmm. 

Ok, now let's move on to Paula. What the hell was she wearing on her neck? I think right before she left her house she took a look in the mirror and said, "Hmm, I need to spruce this up a bit, what can I add?" And then she ran to her closet and started grabbing things. First she found a scarf and she wrapped that around her neck a few times. Then she came across a necklace that Mr. T had given her and she placed it on top of the scarf. And finally she weaved in a big, honking artificial flower to bring it all together. The effect, of course, was ridiculous. But, sadly, not surprising. This is what we've come to expect from Paula. 

So we're getting down to the final weeks and Ryan is obviously bored, so has decided to make the elimination process as ugly as possible. He tried to get David Cook to break down and tell about his brother, but David was true to himself and his brother and remained vague about his emotional display last night. David is humble and doesn't wear his heart on his sleeve. On the other hand, literally on the other hand, you have Elliott Yamin plugging not only his new CD, but his mother's demise. What the?

And then asking David Archuleta to pick the winners and the losers? Been there, done that a few seasons ago, Ryan. It's mean and ugly and uncalled for and I can't believe that's the best you can come up with. 

So it was Kristy Lee Cook's turn to go home. No surprise there. In my blog yesterday I said that I didn't hold her responsible for Michael Johns' departure, per se, but now I'm changing my tune and holding her completely responsible. Had she not had that one good week, Michael Johns might still be with us tonight. So, yes, it's best that Kristy Lee Cook gets off the stage. She was getting a little disrespectful tonight. I heard her use the words "butt" and "sucks". You don't hear David Archuleta using those words....

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Mariah Cary Night

How many times have we heard Randy's warning to steer clear of Whitney Houston, Mariah Carey and Celine Dion songs? Five, six, maybe seven thousand times?

And so what do the producers do this week? Enter the Diva herself, Mariah Carey. Randy should be ashamed of himself. You know he had a hand in getting her on board. I'm not really a fan of Mariah Carey's music, so I'm not going to pretend to know her songs. I recognized a few tonight, but for the most part the songs just about put me to sleep. I was actually kind of irritated by the show this evening. Maybe because I am bitter that Michael Johns wasn't there? Maybe because I would really rather have been watching the season finale of The Biggest Loser (which is what I'm going to do after I finish this post)? 

Let's cut to the chase....

So David Archuleta started us off. If I thought for a moment that the kid had any sort of sense of humor, I might think he was trying to be funny when he sang "When You Believe" as it is a duet that Mariah recorded with the other diva Whitney Houston. But no, the kid doesn't have that kind of spunk. In fact, he doesn't have an ounce of any type of creativity whatsoever. I know he can sing. But I also know that I am over his ballad-style singing and I think he's kind of like a piece of American cheese. (I'm not sure where that came from. Maybe Simon's burger analogy prompted it). Really, I am completely over David Archuleta. Not that it matters because he's got tens of millions of viewers voting for him. 

I didn't think Carly Smithson was as bad as Simon made her out to be when she sang "Without You". I'll give it to the judges, Carly needs to bring it home. She needs to belt the hell out of song for once. So I was routing for her up until the time she told Ryan that she enjoyed herself during the performance in response to the judges not-so-great comments. I am calling bullshit on that, Carly. That is it in a nutshell - you were NOT enjoying yourself. You held back and were reserved. You looked like your were afraid of your own shadow. Where, pray tell, is the fun in that?

Syesha Mercado sang "Vanishing" and I only know that because I wrote it down. I've never heard that song before and I don't ever need to hear it again. Did you notice that awkward moment when Syesha walked in to meet Mariah and they didn't hug? They both kind of just smiled and scrunched up their shoulders and exchanged pleasantries. So awkward. Especially coming on the heels of Mariah meeting Carly where she not only embraced Carly, but told her how much she's been looking forward to meeting her. Maybe Mariah feels threatened by the diva wannabe? Um, doubtful. Syesha sang the song well. But I bet she'll still have a spot in the bottom three. 

With Brooke. Brooke sang "There's a Hero" and it wasn't her moment to shine. She certainly doesn't have the Mariah range and her nerves got the best of her and it showed. She seemed to get faster and faster as the song went on like she was in a rush for it to be over. So was I. And while Brooke is very genuine, I'm getting sick of her chatting-with-the-judges schtick. She needs to sing and then zip it. Note to contestants: Listen to the constructive criticism and don't say another word. Not a "I had fun with it", not a "I have always wanted to sing that song", and not a "I was trying to push myself on this one." The contestants sing, the judges give feedback. End of story. 

Kristy Lee Cook sang "Forever" and apparently got too big for her britches after last week's avoidance of the bottom 3. I don't hold her responsible for Michael Johns' departure per se, but yes, a part of me resents her for still being here. My favorite line of the night was when she said, "I gave Mariah chills" and Simon came back with, "Well, you didn't give me chills." Touche. She'll be back on one of those stools tomorrow night. 

I fell totally head over heels in love with David Cook tonight. I've been a fan for awhile, but tonight it blossomed into true love. He sang "Always Be My Baby" and it was incredible. Simon said that David Archuleta is the guy to beat? I think not. David Cook is the man. Did you know that was his brother sitting in the front row next to that jackass Teri Hatcher from Desperate Housewives? This is the brother who has brain cancer. Apparently his doctor told him he couldn't fly on a commercial jet on account of his condition, so his community rallied and got him a private jet complete with nurse and medic so that he could see his brother perform. And both David and his brother were so cool about it. They didn't want any special attention and they didn't want to be called out because they know that other people are fighting this same fight. Talk about being humble and real. I think that's why David got so emotional after singing tonight. You can read about David and his brother at (and then search for David Cook because I don't know how to get fancy schmancy and set up links.)

And Jason finished out the night with his version of "I Don't Want to Cry". I don't know how it compared to Mariah's version because I don't know the song, but I liked Jason's cool version. The dude is beyond cool. 

So tomorrow night we will be treated to Mariah. I wonder if Randy will take the stage as well? And who will be in the bottom 3? Not sure who - but rest assured they will all be females....

Thursday, April 10, 2008

America Gets It Wrong

What the?

Michael Johns? Are you freaking kidding me? Granted I didn't vote, but 31 million people did and they made a big mistake. Huge, in fact. What was up with Ryan mentioning the fact that nobody went home last year at this time on account of Idol Gives Back (hinting that perhaps Michael would stick around) and then pulling the rug out from under us by sending Michael John on his way? That was just wrong, dawg. Ugly and wrong. 

But Michael handled it like a champ. No tears. No regrets. He acknowledged that "Dream On" was the perfect song to sing on his way out and then proceeded to sing it beautifully. It really should have been Kristy Lee Cook singing her final song. Or Syesha. Or Carly. Hell, I would even give you Brooke tonight (at least she could sing at her sister's wedding this weekend). But it shouldn't have been Michael John. Not yet. 

I'm afraid I OD'ed on Idol tonight. I zoomed through Idol Gives Back and then went right into the elimination show. I feel like I've been watching Ryan Seacrest for 3 days straight. Is he the hardest working man in Hollywood, or what? And how about the presidential candidates doing their bit? Of course Obama's was by far the best so everybody should vote for him in November. America got it wrong tonight - let's not get it wrong in November. (shameless plug). 

So I will restrain from saying anything harsh about Idol Gives Back. It is a great cause and I did my part by donating (well, my husband donated as I have yet to pick up a phone before, during or after Idol and intend to keep it that way). The highlight for me was Jimmy Kimmel. The guy is hilarious. And while his Simon roast didn't compare to his "I'm F*ing Ben Affleck" video, it was still very entertaining. Almost as entertaining as watching Fergie do a one-handed tinsica while singing with Heart in those painted on pleather pants that accentuated her Fergalicious booty. Almost. 

And since my family donated to the cause, I feel like I have earned the right to take one swing at Miley Cyrus. I realize that she's only 15 and probably a good role model and all that happy horseshit, but she's a little too comfortable in that 15 year old skin of hers. A little too in awe of herself. Yeah, I don't get her. 

And I don't get Robin Williams, either. I must confess that I fast forwarded through his entire "performance" (and I use that term loosely), but I'm going to guess that he sounded a lot like Mork from Ork. He will always be Mork from Ork in my mind. I didn't want to see Mork when he was with Mindy and I don't want to see him on the Idol stage. You either get Robin Williams or you don't and I've got my feet firmly planted in the latter camp. 

Technically, I don't think my family donated enough funds to go off on anybody else, so I'll only say good things from this point forward. Loved Daughtry. Cause he's hot. And he can sing. And he's humble (note to Miley Cyrus: see footage of Daughtry to learn the meaning of humble). Maybe he can find a place in his band for Michael Johns? Or maybe Michael John can tour with Daughtry as his opening act. That would be the best of both worlds. Get it? The Best of Both Worlds? (I can't believe I just gave a shout out to Miley Cyrus).

Wow. And I still can't believe Michael Johns got the boot. Damn. I need to change the pictures on my blog. But I can't right now because I'm too tired and half to get up at the crack of dawn. So, that's all I've got tonight. 

Why doesn't Ryan say, "Seacrest, out." anymore? I liked that line. If he's not going to use it anymore, I will....

Reid, out. 

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Idol Gives Back

I haven't watched it yet! I was out tonight, but I have it DVRed and will watch tomorrow after I watch The Biggest Loser and Idol's elimination round. Big day tomorrow, folks. Big, big day. 

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

The Final 8 Get Inspirational...

So in light of Idol Gives Back, tonight we were treated to Inspirational Songs by the Final 8. 

I think I was most inspired by Paula's breasts. It was as if she was serving them up to all of America, whether we wanted them or not. I think I like Paula better when she's high. 

So Michael John started us off with Aerosmith's "Dream On". What did I tell him about that ascot? I'm sorry, but unless you're Thurston Howell III, you have no business sporting the ascot. Lucky for Michael, I'm a fan, so I won't let it sway me. I thought he sang well tonight, but he certainly didn't shine like he did when he sang Dolly's little ditty. I didn't appreciate Michael giving Randy lip, especially when Randy was right. It's not about having fun or singing a song that means something to you, it's about choosing a song that's going to register with America and translate into votes. Period. But to his defense, I think he'll get enough votes tonight. He better. 

Unlike Syesha. Syesha Mercado sang Fantasia's "I Believe". I knew as soon as Randy started his critique with that condescending little laugh of his that he was going to give his diva speech. Apparently Fantasia is up there with the likes of Whitney, Celine and Mariah: their songs are strictly off limits. If I had a dime for every time I heard it, I'd be a millionaire. So why isn't Syesha listening? I don't care who sang the song before her, Syesha's performance was cheesy and void of emotion. Whoa, whoa, whoa...and where did that choir come from? I realize now it's all part of the Idol Gives Back crap, but it took me by surprise, I must say. Anyway, no matter how you slice it, Syesha is no diva (with or without the choir). I think she'll be in the bottom 3 this week. 

While Jason Castro will most definitely be in the TOP 3! Loved his version of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow". I must admit, at first the ukulele freaked me out a bit as I envisioned Tiny Tim tip toeing through the tulips. But it kind of grew on me. I thought his vocals were spot on and he was smokin' hot. And the song choice? Fabulous. It's right up with there with his Hallelujah performance. 

And it pains me to admit that Kristy Lee Cook had a good night. She sang Martina McBride's "Anyway" and she sang it well - glittery eye shadow and all. She moves like a robot, raising her arms in a contrived attempt to look like a performer. But she doesn't fool me. I think she'll get her wish and avoid the Bottom 3 this week, but she's still not long for this Idol stage. 

And while it pains me to admit that Kristy Lee Cook was good, it frightens me to admit that David Cook might take her seat in the Bottom 3. Or at least keep it warm for her. He sang "Innocent" by Our Lady Peace and I didn't like his song, his vocals or his white jacket. But I promised not to say another bad thing about him on account of his high blood pressure and sick brother. So, I really do hope that America cuts him some slack and votes him through for another week. 

I'm not sure America is going to be quite as generous with Carly Smithson this week. She sang Queen's "The Show Must Go On" to less than stellar reviews from the judges. It wasn't one of her best vocals and it wasn't one of her best song choices. And despite what Simon said, it wasn't one of her best outfits. Can she not find a flattering pair of pants to wear? One that she doesn't have to pour herself into? I realize that's neither here nor there because as Randy likes to point out, this is a singing competition. Based on that fact...Carly might find herself with enough time on her hands (and arms) to get a new tattoo. 

David Archuleta sang "Angels" and when I Googled it to see who wrote it (Robbie Williams), I found a few videos of David Archuleta singing "Angels" at other performances. I don't know about you, but that just takes away the magic for me. The same thing happened when he sang "Imagine": everyone was blown away by his performance only to learn that he's been singing that song for most of his life. It's as if David Archuleta has a repertoire of songs that he has perfected and sings over and over again. Where, pray tell, is the originality in that? Talk about taking a song and making it your own. I don't deny that David has a good voice, I just think he's a one trick pony and lacks creativity and originality. And doesn't deserve the kudos he's been getting. 

Brooke White sang Carol King's "You've Got a Friend". Simon said it best when he described her performance as a pleasant walk in the park. She seems awkward when she's not sitting in front of her piano. And while I love her calm, soothing voice, this song was a little too safe for me. It was just awright, dawg. She might be in the Bottom 3 again this week. So get ready for the tears. 

Tomorrow night Idol Gives Back returns and promises to be bigger and better than ever. The star-studded cast is more than I can get my head around. You can rest assured there will be many surprises. And after all the good is said and done, Idol returns on Thursday to boot one of the contenders. Who will it be? My money is on Carly Smithson. I think her number is up. 

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

And Then There were 8....

I think the American Idols' performance of "9 to 5" could quite possibly be the cheesiest thing I've ever seen. Ever. In my whole life. 

But I LOVED Michael John's vintage Dolly t-shirt. Seriously, how cool was that? And speaking of about Carly heeding my warning and sporting a sleeve tonight! Sure, I was envisioning the longer variety, but I'll take a short sleeve. It's a good first step. 

Ok, so by now we all know the drill. Ryan calls the Idol wannabees out from behind the curtain and if they are lucky they go to the couch, if they are unlucky they go to the stools. This is a long drawn out process, so to mix things up we are treated to the ridiculous phone bit which just seems to get more awkward every week. Although, how great would it have been if the Idol producers let Michael Johns and David Cooke sing "Islands in the Stream" together? Hysterical. But instead, we were treated to the winner of Foxes Next American Band singing "This Little Light of Mine." Did that lead singer look like a crazed lunatic, or was it just me? I've always loved my DRV, but Idol's Wednesday night show has given me a new found appreciation for the FF button. 

Back to the results. It was good to see David Cooke and his high blood pressure take a seat on the couch. I've vowed to go easy on him from here on out. I hope they gave him a chill pill at the hospital, cause he could really go all the way if he can just keep it together. So no more hair jokes from this point forward. Really. 

And I thought the Idol producers were going to give us a chance to get to know our contestants a little bit better this season? But between the Fox promotions and the phone calls and the visits with the old (washed up) Idols, there is not enough time. 

I've already had enough of the Idol Gives Back crap. My time in front of the TV watching Idol is my lowest, shallowest, most decadent 45 minutes all week (yes, you can watch both episodes in 45 minutes with the help of your DVR). So while I sit there with a stupid grin on my face trying to escape the real world, the last thing I want to see are images of starving, impoverished children in Africa. Nor did I sign up to see the reunion of the two orphan sisters. And what are the chances that the folks at Idol would catch it on camera, huh? Amazing. 

And if that wasn't weird enough, no sooner were the two girls reunited when the camera pans to Dolly Parton and her girls strutting on stage and singing about Jesus and gravity. What the? I felt like I was in a bad dream. Does anybody think it's ironic that Dolly sings about being grateful for gravity and yet has surgery after surgery to defy its effects? I don't know, I thought that was a little odd. 

Ok, so in the bottom three we had a very emotional Brooke White and then Ramiele and Kristy Lee (Mutt and Jeff). Ryan sent Brooke to the couches before she completely lost it. And so Ramiele got to have the stage to herself to break down. Well, not completely to herself as Kristy Lee smothered the hell out of her to the point where we couldn't see Ramiele's head as she gasped and cried. Seriously, was it that much of a shock for Ramiele? Did she really think she'd go all the way? 

I don't remember contestants crying this much in past seasons? We need to get a hold of ourselves, gang. Just because you didn't win, doesn't mean you aren't going to successful. You saw Bucky Covington and Phil Stacey and Bo Bice tonight. Hmm. Yeah, well, ok, go ahead and have a good cry...

Tuesday, April 1, 2008


Man, that Dolly Parton is a freak show, no?

Dolly Parton was the first guest mentor of Idol's Season Seven and she did not disappoint. She's had some serious work done on that little body of hers over the years. But while her looks have changed, she's still as sweet as the day is long. And as one would expect, Dolly only had good things to say about the contestants. She kept her impressions and suggestions short and sweet. After all, it's not like Dolly to promote Dolly: it was all about the kids....

Brooke White was the first to win Dolly's heart when she sang "Jolene". Dolly sees an honesty in Brooke and I couldn't agree more; Brooke is real and humble and genuine. And I'm starting to sound like a broken record as I've been saying that about Mrs. White since week one. But tonight she seemed a little nervous. Maybe because she was the first on stage? She seemed like she was in a hurry to get done with her performance. But I still thought she was good. And I loved how the beauty school dropout couldn't help but comment on Paula's hair-do. (Paula did look lovely tonight, didn't she?)  

And speaking of hair.....YES! David Cook finally cut his hair! He went a little shorter on the sides, a little spikier on top and now it appears as if David has a full head of hair! (I don't care if it is just an illusion - it works). I think the new look gave him even more confidence (not that he needed more confidence). He is growing into an artist right before our very eyes. He can sing, he can perform, he can come up with an original arrangement and...dare I he has the look! He sang "Little Sparrow" and while I don't pretend to know or love that song, I thoroughly enjoyed his performance. 

Ramiele Malubay sang Dolly's "Do I Ever Cross Your Mind?" And the answer is no, never. I'll give it to you, she was better than last week, but she certainly wasn't good by any stretch of the imagination. For the first time that I can remember, she actually moved around the stage which was a nice addition. But she lacks grace and polish which was abundantly clear when Ryan asked her what it was like to perform for Dolly Parton and she replied, "I was freaking out. A little bit." And let me add that she also lacks style. Seriously, who is dressing Ramiele? Never mind the fact that the clothes she's worn thus far are hideous, none of them are flattering on her - at all. But I digress, this is a singing competition and Ramiele falls short there, too. 

Jason Castro is up next singing "Travelin Through". And yes, I checked, that's how Dolly is spelling it: travelin. Too bad it's Dolly Parton night and not Paul Simon night because I think Jason could sing some serious Simon and/or Garfunkle. I thought he did well tonight! But I'm going to let you in on a little secret, I have a teeny tiny crush on Jason and so it's going to take a major f-up on his part for me to stop loving him. I just want to put him in my pocket. I know, I know, coo coo ca-choo Mrs. Robinson. (Can't you just hear him singing it?). Simon was none to pleased with Jason's performance tonight, but I think the problem lies in the fact that Simon really doesn't like Dolly Parton songs and not that he doesn't like Jason per se. So America better not listen to Simon tonight. They better listen to me. (What's that you say Mrs. Robinson?)

Carly Smithson thought she was smokin' hot tonight. She sang "Here You Come Again" and until Simon put out her fire, she really thought she was back, hotter than ever. She sang far better than she did last week. I actually enjoyed the performance - when my eyes were closed. I couldn't agree more with Simon when he offered, "You need to have a word with whomever is dressing you." In fact, while I was watching I thought to myself, "She has yet to wear a sleeve." Nary a sleeve has graced an arm. I know she loves that tattoo of hers, but I just don't think it needs to be showcased front and center each and every week. She's got some awful taste in clothes and the stylists are not helping matters. And I won't even comment on that freak show of a husband of hers. Cause that's just mean. And uncalled for. Right?

And then it was Young David's turn to impress. David Archuleta sang "Smokey Mountain Memories". The judges loved him, the crowd loved him and so did Dolly Parton. David almost brought Dolly to tears. I'm thinking Dolly should give David a job at Dollywood. He could be her star performer. He'd be perfect on the Dollywood stage. And I think Dollywood could even find a place for his crazy father, too. (Apparently, like many showbiz kids, David has himself quite the stage parent in that father of his. Or at least that's what the media is reporting. And so I'm buying it lock, stock and barrel.) I'm sorry, I just can't get past the Tattoo resemblance (and I am not talking about Carly or her husband). 

I expected more from our country gal Kristy Lee Cooke. She sang "Coat of Many Colors" and was disappointed that Dolly didn't tell her how proud she was of her singing. I thought her performance was stiff and unnatural. And I'll add contrived to my list of complaints, as well, on account of those bare feet of hers. (How about Ryan knowing that she had a French pedicure as opposed to just a pedicure? I'll bet Ryan is no stranger to pedicures.) And what up with Kristy's eyes? Week after week, regardless of the song choice or clothing style, Kristy's eyes are covered in thick, sparkly eyeshadow. Hideous, thick, golden sparkly eyeshadow. What gives? I think Idol may have to fire a few stylists this season. 

Syesha sang "I Will Always Love You" and, I'm afraid it may have just cost her a spot in the Top 8. I have always loved Dolly Parton's version of this song. I much prefer her sweet, calm soothing sound to Whitney Houston's diva version. So when Syesha started singing Dolly's version, I was ready to give her a chance. But she couldn't help herself. Once a diva wannabee, always a diva wannabee and so half way through her performance she felt the need to bring it home. A foolish, foolish move on her part. And wouldn't you know the first words out of Randy's mouth were something about never attempting to sing a Whitney song. Duh. If you're an Idol contestant and don't know that by now, well then you are simply not worthy.

And Michael John finished the night with only a few minutes to spare. His version of "It's All Wrong, But It's All Right" was phenomenal. Like David Cook, with each passing week Michael John is becoming a star. Perhaps that explains why he was wearing an ascot during tonight's performance? Hmm. Yeah, I'll pass on the ascot for future performances, Mike. But how about him being a Dolly Parton fan? She was his first concert, for crying out loud! Stuff like that just makes me love this guy even more. He might not be quite as talented as David Cook - yet - but he's got the look I want to know better - AND - he's so darn likable. I'm telling you...chicks dig him and guys want to be his friend. And that is a winning combination. 

And so who (besides Michael John) is looking forward to seeing Dolly strut her stuff tomorrow night? My gut tells me that Syesha is going home. I think she'll be joined by Ramiele and Kristy Lee Cooke in the bottom three. And just to be sure, I'm going to put Jason in my pocket for safe keeping...