Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Anoop and Lil Pack Their Bags...

You know what? Paula can't talk, but she can choreograph. I found the Group Sing (and Dance) to be thoroughly enjoyable. Maybe they should let her choreograph all the dance numbers in exchange for her judging duties.

But despite the music medly, tonight's theme was not "Disco Night", but rather "Old Ladies Revealing Way Too Much Night". It starts with Paula's Spiderman dress - or at least 1/2 of a Spiderman dress. Seriously, Paula, you are too old for a baby doll mini. Man. And the theme continues with the the two Disco goddesses.

But I between Paula and the Cougar Disco Queens....Lil Rounds is eliminated. No surprise there. Unfortunately, she has to sing one last time. Fortunately, I don't have to listen to it thanks to my favorite FF button.

And then the craziness begins. Ryan introduces some woman; I didn't catch the name. But before I can hit the reverse button the train wreck appears on stage and I cannot go back. Whoa. This woman is a site to behold. She's had lots and lots of work done to her face, but apparently opted against the tummy tuck. Her voice is horrible. She appears drunk. There are body parts bouncing all over the place and yet she still sounds worse than she looks. Holy guacamole, Idol has hit a new low.

And then Scary Disco Lady introduces Thelma Houston. I think that's her name (again, I am NOT backing up as I am mesmerized by these has-beens.) Where did they find these women? And where in god's name is Donna Summer when you need her?

Thelma's boobs are oozing out of her dress. I don't know, can we really call that thing a dress? It's more like a bunch of yellow streamers and the top part is at least 5 sizes too small. Thelma cannot contain the girls. And yet, I can't take my eyes off of her Medusa-like hair. She thinks she has Tina Turner legs; she does not. Not even close. And she appears to be singing directly to Simon begging him to satisfy the need in her. Oh, dear god, Simon is mortified.

But not as mortified as the Sunshine Band. They've got to be embarrassed for their former lead singer. Surely one of them could have talked KC out of tonight's performance? He looks like Tony Soprano and sounds like I-don't-know-what. Time has not been a friend to KC. He used to be sooo cute. But now, he has no voice - I'm not talking a bad voice - I'm talking no voice. It's gone. And so are his looks and his waist line. At least he's got some attractive (read: whore-like) backup singers to take the pressure off.

Seriously, what just happened there? That was the worst Idol production of all time. Man, what I would give to hear Simon's take on the old bags.

Ok, let's refocus....

Matt is safe! But poor Allison has to join angry Anoop in the bottom 3. I'm telling you, it's her hair. If she'd just change the color of her hair, she's broaden her fan base.

And now it's David Archuletta's turn to take the stage. He looks even younger than he did last season. How is that possible? But he proves me wrong: you don't have to be an old fart to sound flat and off key. I never got the Archuletta thing and I never will. Did anybody catch the old lady in his band playing keyboards? Seriously, what is going on tonight? It's like a bad, old lady dream.

But it ends on a happy note with Anoop and Lil packing their bags. Lil accepts her fate and seems genuinely excited about getting home to her family. Anoop, on the other hand, is majorly disappointed. Did he rrrreally think he could go all the way? I'm sure Chapel Hill will give him the key to the city; he'll be fine.

Ok, I need a few more minutes to absorb things. That was the weirdest show I've seen in a looong time.


Anonymous said...

yes, all so true. were those the only 3 willing to get back on stage? or were they the best of the 10 people they asked? at least the 2 older ladies could sing, KC needed a respirator.

Anonymous said...

I usually FF through the group performances b/c they are so hokey, but I thought it was great last night too! I actually rewound it and watched it twice. Best ever group performance, imho. KC needs to lay off the KFC, and Freida whatever was a disaster, BUT, in spite of her banana dress, and Terence Trent D'Arby meets Big Bird hair, I thought Thelma Houston still sounded great (or maybe it was just in comparison to the woman before her?).

Anonymous said...

KC was just sad! I thought he looked like Tony Soprano, too, only with a bigger receding hair line. OUCH. That was painful to watch. Do you think he was a last minute sub? And was Freda Payne wearing Miley Cyrus' dress from last week? They need mirrors backstage.

My hat is off to Lil for being so gracious and belting out her last song with so much charisma. I hope she finds herself. She'd be great in Vegas.

Anoop the poop is gone!

Anonymous said...

KC needs to trade his boogie shoes for running shoes.

Anonymous said...

I think Anoop had the talent and the most adorable parents. But his facial expressions and dress style left much to be desired. And the facial hair. UGH. Emily