Friday, February 15, 2008

Day Camp and Immunization Records

I called my pediatrician's office this morning to get a copy of my son's immunization records. Apparently he needs this very important documentation in order to sign up for a day camp at the YMCA. 

What the? 

Who the heck is signing up for these camps, I wonder? Cause last I checked, every school in town requires their students to be immunized. So who is the Y trying to protect us from? As if the Y is trying to protect us, let me rephrase that question: who is the Y trying to protect itself from?

Maybe there has been a vicious onslaught of un-immunized home schoolers trying to infiltrate day camp? (Is un-immunized a word? Uncle Ryan, can you check that out for me? I was told you were a master copywriter. I don't think my blog has spellcheck.) Or perhaps foreigners? Do a lot of foreigners hit the Y camps during the summer? I don't know, it just seems kind of ridiculous to me. 

But not as ridiculous as the reaction I got from my pediatrician's office. Yes, they could get me that information (hey, that's great) and then I can stop by and pick it up when they call me. Whoa, whoa, whoa, is faxing said documentation not an option? Apparently not given the hemming and hawing that is coming from the other end of the phone. The copy machine was one thing, the fax machine? Nope, completely a different story. They can put it in the mail, though. In 3 to 5 days. I am not making this shit up. 3 to 5 days, folks. 

So I told her that I'd come by and pick it up. Granted, I'm a good 8 miles from the office and it is in a part of town that I only frequent when my kids are sick, but that's neither here nor there. But, again, this was only an option if I was planning to drive over in 3 to 5 days. 

Look, I understand that I am not the only person looking to get a copy of my kid's immunization record. But unless his file is kept off-site, and by off-site I mean Africa, I don't see why it should take 3-5 business days. I thanked the lady profusely and told her I'd be by in 3-5 days. Yes, after I got the call. And then I hung up and got in my car and drove over to the sick part of town. 

These day camps fill up quickly and if I lose my son's spot on account of his immunization records, all hell will break loose. So I sauntered in to the pediatrician's office doing my best nice and lovely impersonation. And yes, I can be nice. And lovely. Those of you who know me don't see it much because I save it for strangers. Particularly strangers who have something I need. And when I want to be lovely, look out. 

Lucky for me, that lady behind the counter was obviously not from these parts. I'm not sure if it was her accent, her finger nails, her hairstyle or her rode-hard-and-hung-up-wet complexion, but I knew instantly that she hailed from the North East. And so when she asked me if it was cold outside I told her, "Oh, it's chilly alright, but nothing like what my sister in Boston or aunt in New Jersey are experiencing..." I knew I was golden. She, too, was from New Jersey. No kidding? Huh. Who knew? And we laughed and yucked it up and then I mentioned that I needed my son's immunization records. At which time she launched into that damn 3-5 business day schpeal. But I appealed to her inner-Jersey and the next thing I knew, she was off to talk to the ladies behind the door. 

A few minutes later, out came another lady carrying not one, but THREE copies of my son's immunization records. AND, she threw in a bonus - she had copies of my daughter's records as well because they "encourage everybody to keep a copy on file at home." On file at home? Really? Whatever. That's why I'm paying you the big bucks, lady. 

So now it's off to the Y to register for the day camp. And rest assured I will be inquiring as to why they require the immunization records. What do you think they most fear the Mumps or Hepatitis? Hmm. 

I'm putting my money on the home schoolers as the source of the immunization requirement. Something tells me that those wild and crazy home school moms are not all about the immunizations. I don't really know that for a fact as I really only have one home-schooler friend (at least, I HAD one home-schooler friend until I published this blog). But, as always, that doesn't stop me from forming an opinion. Who need facts? Not I. 

I'll let you know how I make out at the Y....


Anonymous said...

Thanks for the shout out. My proofreader sources confirm that un-immunized is not a word. But this is your blog and you can make up anything you want. So from this point forward (on your blog), un-immunized will be recognized as a-ok.
-Uncle Ryan

zsa zsa said...

It's the foreigners. Thank you homeland security....

Guiding Light said...

I am so grossed out by the weird greasiness on the tongue that I will never eat another Do-Si-Do. This needs to go national, but when it does I'm afraid there will be a fatwa against you by the GSA.

Guiding Light said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

As far as I know, I don't think kids at CMS are required to send in their records again in grade school after kindergarten to ensure that they are immunized. Do kids need any more immunizations after kindergarten and before 6th grade?

Could be the foreigners. Although, would they be signing up for camps at the Harris Y?